My Seven Step Method of Commenting to Form Relationships

by Tinu AbayomiPaul


If I comment on your blog, it’s NOT for the sole purpose of getting a link.

I can buy links, earn them, submit for them, write articles, win awards, be written about, publish a press release, create a podcast…. so what the heck do I need you to link to me for?

It would be nice but…

A link is a consolation prize, not an end in itself.

If I comment on your blog, it’s my way of saying hi, a precursor to a relationship. If we were to use the metaphor of dating, the first comment is the stage where I decide if you’re worth asking out.

Step One - Stalking.

I read a blog for at least a week, looking for common ground, and seeing if the blogger writes in a style that leaves a place for replies other than “good job”.

The content has to speak to me, so that I want to say, “fantastic job”, “thank you”, or “and you know what else”, or “I respect you but you’re SO WRONG about this.”

You can’t expect people to write their most compelling work every day, but if I don’t see at least one memorable shot after a week or so of hanging around and reading archive posts, I’m off.

Because if I’m not electrified, and I’m looking to market to people like me, well, they’re not going to be electrified either.

Sometimes I ignore this rule if their audience loves them for some reason I don’t understand- because some of my readers have the same mercy on me.

Step Two - Introductions.

I comment once, leaving my full name, and making a concerted effort to truly contribute to the conversation. (I make an effort every time, but this first time, I want to be noticed, maybe even impressive.)

Usually the first comment is without leaving my link unless the browser fills it out for me.

If comments are moderated, I may come back if it’s really important to me and I remember. Which is why, if you want more people to comment, it's smart not to moderate comments until your blog is so popular that it attracts multiple spam entries a day.

Step Three - Flirting.

I comment again. This time I’m looking for a response from the publisher within a few days.

Having a busy company outside of my business blog, I know that not every blogger will respond quickly, or even at all. So what I'm also looking to see that each commenter gets treated the same way. If the blogger answers me a week later, is he responding to all responses a week late? Or have I been singled out?

Regardless of the response, I’ll probably still read though, because you can’t fairly judge the sum total of a person on what you perceive to be their flaws.

If the person doesn’t comment at all, either because they have a high traffic site which always produces 25 or more comments per post, I will cut them a little slack.

But I’ll probably read less often, and stop bothering myself to comment, unless I observe interaction between commenters.

Step Four - Yes, I’m asking you out on a date.

I comment a third time.

With this third comment, if I make it this far at that site, and they respond or their community responds, I’m moving them up to my priority list to read, link to, write about and reference.

Step Five - I Talk About You All the Time

I share my favorite reads with my audience at some point. I may share their posts on del.icio.us, Digg, Sphinn, PlugIM, BUMPzee, StirredUp, Stumble Upon, Facebook, anywhere I’ll see them more often.

And I keep doing it. I might dedicate a blog post to them, or promote their newsletter. I'm not looking for reciprocation at this point, though that's nice.

I'm sharing your resource to up my own brownie points with my audience - which, if you think about it, is a bigger compliment.

Step Six - We Fall In Like

I bond with my new friend. We might poke each other on Facebook or email each other. (Rare for me because I Loathe email.) We may have our own inside jokes on each other’s blogs. We're likely to end up talking on the phone, or I may drop by when I'm in town.

My motives are simple - make a new friend.

If anything else comes out of it, that’s great. If there is something I can do for them, even better. If one day, they do something for me too, that’s awesome. It doesn’t always happen that way, and that’s okay with me.

If it doesn’t, I still get credit when I comment, which I’ll do in bursts of frequency, and at the minimum, traffic and/or links will come from it.

And the community that posts there often may post over at my blog, and if they do, I’ll mention those people from time to time on my blog and add them to my links.

Who knows, that friend might lead me to another friend who wants the same serious business relationship I’m looking for.

If it does work out, it’s magic.

They’ll write about me, they’ll link to me, they’ll reference my posts, they’ll add me to their Blogroll, they’ll thank me in public, they’ll write me privately to set up partnerships, and I'll reciprocate or initiate the same.

Which results in much more traffic, much better links, an increase in both our audiences and in sales, as well as the primary benefit, a new friendship.

Step Seven - The Mutual Appreciation Party Begins

I Repeat steps Five and Six as much as time allows.

Again, thinking about this logically, what would you be willing to do for a person who was doing that for you? When people do the smallest thing for me that I notice, I tend to bend over backwards for them anytime, even if they only got to step five.

But folks who ask me a favor out of the blue, as if I somehow owe them something because they know of me? Not so much. Don't get me wrong, I do my best to be nice to everyone.

At the same time, when a person's motives are purely based on what they can get out of you, can't you tell? If you knew a person only wanted to know you because you have a car, would you really be enthusiastic about driving them to the airport?

Sure, if you're a kind person, you might still do it. That one time. Grudgingly. If they paid for gas. And you had nothing else to do.

But for a loved one, or a good pal, I bet you'd change your whole schedule just to help.

Relationships aren't magically different in the business world. If anything they are just as important.


Successful businesses are built on good relationships. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone. In fact, I’m really big on not working with people who expect something for nothing, or abuse my time.

However, every good blog traffic method is built on being a good neighbor in the blogosphere. No blog is an island.


It's not just about getting the traffic. It's HOW you get it. It's the experience people have from getting to your site. For massive traffic, learn what's behind the ethos, not just the technique. We can teach you both at http://trafficreality.com/ today.